Never in my dreams did I expect to encounter what I did in the last few weeks.
I came face to face with none other than “Success” himself!
How you ask?
Did I come to receive an incredible wealth or fortune?
Did I receive an invite from Oprah Winfrey to feature in her show?
Ok ok….lets bring it closer to the ground.
Did I make record breaking profits with my newly founded venture
Have I helped 777 people learn meditation?
Did I loose 10 kgs of weight? (lame, I know!)
Did I buy that dream house I drive past all the time?
Did I go on that dream holiday I have been planning?
The answer is NO
Then what did my close and passionate encounter with success look and feel like? Before I answer this I have to share the events that lead me to this cross road.
In the last few weeks I have been going to a number of events, conferences, fashion galas, award nights etc; glamorous, special events with big names from the industry; spiritual leaders, writers, industry experts, fashion designers, actors; you get the picture.
I am very pleased to be at these events and I looked forward to all of them. Yet when I was finally there, I experienced a weird mix of emotions! This feeling continued from one event to another until it got my complete and total attention.
I was really curious on the nature of these feelings. It wasn’t dark as a shadow yet it had a deep shade of grey. Because of its confusing nature it was easy for me to brush it off over and over again whenever it came up.
One of my first realization’s in a meditation was that it wasn’t the first time I had felt this; it has been around with me since I was old enough to grasp my presence.
I remember being on summer holidays in the city of Mumbai; the fashion capital of India. I went for evening walks with my aunty and cousin and would be stopped ever so often by a photographer or casting agents offering me modeling jobs. Others would tell my aunty how I was going to be the next miss India. I often got recognized or mistaken for a celebrity at the Indian airports and restaurant’s.
My family and I found this very comical at the start and some times we went along with it as well; it was all good fun.
I guess overtime all of this made a mark on me and an avatar began to be created within me. This super star aspect of me expected adulation from myself and others wherever I went.
The picture on the top right is of me dolled up to go to the Indian Film Awards night. The super star aspect of me; she felt safe to come out last night for a few hours.
After finishing off with the glamorous evening of fashion and film last night, I woke up this morning feeling most unsettling. The familiar shadow was over me like a thick blanket on a warm summer night. I was gasping for cool air. I lay flat on my bed knowing it was time to go deep and speak to her; she was ready to share her story.
She said “success”, I said what? She repeated “success”; I want to speak to you about success. Tears streamed down her beautiful face when she explained that every time she saw a celebrity or famous person on stage; she felt explainably sad.
Why is that I asked…
“You see since I was 16 everyone said that I am pretty; pretty enough to be a star, clever enough to make large sums of money, brave enough to be celebrated with awards and accolades. I was told, with all this I will be very very successful. Even when I begged to differ, I was convinced that this was my destiny and I must find it”.
She said in a tired yet firm voice; “I have been trying, waiting and waiting all these years and I am tired, sad and heavy. I no longer want to chase what other people, media and society claims is success. I am happy just as I am and I feel very successful with everything I have right now, today”.
“Please understand and help me” she said..
This was very confronting for the ego. I was physically squirming and feeling very uncomfortable. Her words were challenging the very foundation of a belief system and a hardwired patterning that prevailed for years underneath many many many layers.
After several moments of stillness and deep surrender I came into my light.
The shadow was gone and I felt lighter and ready to paint, knowing that the wisdom will come as the color flows into the canvas.
Here’s what came to me this evening; the pattern and vibration of Success. The 2nd picture (in brown and purple) is what I had painted 2.5 years back; I believe these patterns are connected. The 4 spirals in the 2nd painting, very random, I painted when I was beginning to feel the depths of my love and realize my power.
Success I learned is a warm vibration of Love, Power and Peace.
Real success is when one truly loves every aspect of oneself and reaches a place of deep masculine/feminine power.
The pinnacle and full graduation into infinite success is achieved when one is at complete peace with this love for oneself and is in gentle control of this omnipotent power that is within all of us.
The pink in the pattern is for love, the red for power, white for peace and green the ever grounding energy of Gaia reminding us that we are one of many that are here to serve her. Our power is immense, yet only with love and peace can we ever be one with our divine destiny, divine success.
I am still in awe of this wisdom and even as I am typing this post I am integrating this learning.
When I ask myself what are some of my successes where I was in love and peacefully one with my power; the answer is so simple;
I feel most successful when I paint, draw, sketch
I feel most accomplished for my discipline and practice of daily meditation for an hour for the last 3 years
I am successful for the honesty and love I share with everyone and all that I connect with
Lastly, mostly importantly I feel immensely successful for loving me unconditionally
So simple and innocent!
I chuckle and sip on the glass of Prosecco I am enjoying as I write this post;
I am Successful just as I am in this moment and it is worthy of celebration.
I feel lighter and suddenly years of expectations, both old and new fall off and disappear into the ground.
What if where I am today is the height of my success, the height of my highest destiny?
What if where you are today is the height of your success, the height of your highest destiny?
Does this send a shiver up your spine? Or are you smiling like I am right now?
Regardless of what endless number of advertisements and coaches say to you; there really is no short cut to success. You cannot feel real success; without fully loving who you are, without fully accepting that you are a being of incredible power and without embracing all of this with the deepest gentlest peace and stillness.
I hope I have given you something to celebrate or surrender.
Either way its time :)
May you be blessed with success, always