Its 6.21pm, Sunday evening, I am sitting at my fav spot; by a wide window opening into a green space, trees, flowers, watching the evening light slowly fading away as I sip on a glass of red wondering what it is that I will share with you this week…..
Those of you who follow astrological blogs and predictions might know this; last year 2014 the year of the Horse was a year of some massive changes. I most certainly felt it; for me it wasn’t a tremor, it was a full-blown Richter scale bursting earth quake! Good news is that 2015 is the year for all of those changes to come into life. Sort of the festive harvest; reaping what you sowed last year.
When 2015 started, every new moon I prayed, even more than my usual quota, every Solstice I attended a ceremony to surrender and all dark moons I sat at home in deep meditation. I braced myself for all that was promised in the predictions; new career, travel, romance, abundance etc etc. I waited patiently for prince charming to knock on my door, to find that sweet spot doing what I love doing for a living, to see the world, to have enough money to do anything I wanted….I waited and I searched endlessly.
No one knocked on my door, I still worked at the same place I had for the last 10 years and money, well, there just wasn’t enough for all that I wanted to do! What the F was going on? I mean seriously nearly everywhere I went, I heard of good tidings and new beginnings. I was beginning to get very very angry at myself for naively believing the predictions and trusting that all can be well with just few moon changes and planetary retrogrades.
Until one Sunday I woke up after a dream in which I saw my spiritual guide call me and ask me to attend a Shamanic ceremony. In my dream I was hesitant because I had no money to pay for the event. Then there was a clear loud voice that said, you must go and with you, you must take your “journey stick”!
I woke up to my ringing phone; it was my spiritual guide calling me in real life, saying that she too had dreamt of me and that I must attend this ceremony. I was shaken and still very drowsy. I agreed and told her that I would see her shortly at this ceremony. Before hanging up, she asked me to bring along my journey stick!! As if I had one prepared, just waiting for this day. I told her that I didn’t have one and that I could bring a painting instead; I had many of those. She didn’t get my joke and she hung up asking me to get to the location in an hour.
*Journey Stick is a Shaman's walking stick. It’s a spiritual and symbolic carved record of one's long journey; past present and future. I call it the Shaman's visual board ;)
I jumped out of bed, got dressed hurriedly and then began to look around my living room scanning the walls to see which painting I could pass for a journey stick. I looked around unable to decide, extremely frantic that I would be late, feeling a little anxious that I would be the only person at the ceremony without this symbolic stick.
I sat myself down to calm down. As I breathed, my eyes landed on the strangest looking item I had in my living room; a 3 feet long, 10 cm wide wooden staff that I was given a long time back as a challenge. I was asked to draw a pattern on it. I had drawn an elaborate story on this piece of wood and had placed it next to my meditation altar and there it sat for more than almost two years. I had found my journey stick!!!
That evening when I came home after the beautiful ceremony and had a profound revelation. To this day, whenever I feel like I don’t have something I remember the “journey stick”.
I had looked all around and almost had a mini breakdown in search of it; only to realize that I had what I wanted, ready and waiting right there all those years in my home, for that right moment for my eyes to find it, see it and for my heart to accept it.
That little incident opened me to the reality that all of what I so eagerly waited for; dream career, romance, travel, money and more was right here in front of me and I was actually living with it everyday! I was so caught up in my feelings of lack that I failed to see the amazing abundance that I was already blessed with.
I am as guilty as anyone else for looking for experiences, answers, for love, for peace outside as if these are things that could be bought at a super market. It is so hard to believe that everything and everyone we need for this point in our life are right here with us.
Truth is, if we believe this, then what is there for us to worry, stress and complain about? It’s easier to turn a blind eye and believe that we don’t have it! This most certainly justifies and excuses all the experiences and opportunities that we let go of, all those places we didn’t see, all those feelings that we didn’t express and all that love we kept unshared.
The reason why I smile now like a cat everyday is because every time I open my eyes, open my heart I see something new in my world that really has been right here for a long time. I now see it because I am ready for it.
With each new moon I found something new, with each planetary shift I lost something old and with each dark moon I accepted and loved more, more of me. All these changes were happening inside of me and soon enough everything outside also began to sparkle and shine.
I wear scarves and have created a business from them through paintings that I painted many years back, I am working with the most awesome people at an absolutely great place while I run my business and volunteer for a charity and I am blessed with everything I need and will ever want. As for romance…… ;)
Each day I am filled with more peace, more joy and more love as I find all that I seek. I am filled with this feeling of gentle power, that everything I want is within my reach, all I have to do is open my eyes.
Of course some days I forget and there are still few things that I am yet to find. They are here I know, I am certain. When I am ready I will see it too, right here in my world.