So after a lot of ummmming and errrrring I am listening to friends, family, teachers, mentors and clients advise; most of all my own inner voice and starting a BLOG!!!
It started off with a sprained ankle, a deadly flu that lasted for nearly 2 weeks and another sprained ankle and then it hit me! Stop putting this off! I said to myself, write a blog without fear of who is going to read it, who is going to like it, what if people hate it? So here is my very first post...
Last night I went to bed feeling so loved, nourished and supported. My dearest friend Helen had invited me over for dinner to her beautiful warm home to dine with her gorgeous 7 year old Juliette and hubby Michael. After a yummy meal full of love and loads of laughter and cheeky debates, I came home feeling so content that I went straight to bed hoping to straightaway sail into restful sleep.
For the strangest reason the night was quiet unsettling. On one hand I felt so happy and the other, I felt the strangest stirring. I was quiet irritated with myself to be honest. I was like; come on, you seriously cannot be funky after such a nice evening!! What is it now?!
With experience I know now not to question the body when it goes into the cave. I quietly went into the cave and rested here for a while. Sleep did not visit me for a long time. It was only after few hours into the night that I finally drifted off to a disturbed sleep.
Out came a piercing ray of light and my eyes opened stinging from the sharpness of the rays and contrast of the morning. I was half dreaming and half awake. In my dream I saw my family, my dead father, sister, mother, some friends who had no connection to my life during childhood. It wasn't a pleasant dream but it wasn't unpleasant either!! One of those you know, weird dreams that leaves you wondering, thinking....I sat for "Japa", meditation in Sanskrit. After an hour I came back from Japa having realised that the dream was about an unprocessed memory from my childhood. Few tears had rolled down my eyes. It was now gone, released where it belonged.
At first I was shocked that despite all the work I had done on reconciling my childhood and my whole life thus far; this memory had somehow slipped through. I wondered a little frustrated, how did this one get away ? Why was it hiding and had chosen to come out now when I had left all that was in the past, in the past?
Then came the insight, the revelation, the wisdom from my body; the voice was deep, calm and certain and I heard " you can poke and prod me, you can run from healer to healer, from therapist to counsellor, from sweat lodges to 5 rhythms; I will only share with you my secrets when I am ready.
I wait until you are ready to receive the memory,
I wait until you are ready to listen,
I wait until you are ready to cry,
I wait until you are strong enough to hold yourself up,
I wait until you are gentle enough to hug it out,
I wait until you are ready to surrender and let go;
then I whisper, then I show you and then i teach you my wisdom. You see, only I know when you are ready; not you, not your therapist, not your ego, only I know".
I humbly learn that no matter how eager we are to completely figure ourself, our life, our past; there is no short cut. Our body is ever so wise and divine; it determines when we are ready, not just mentally and emotionally, but physically, economically and spiritually ready to shift.
So my friends listen and let your body guide you and take you where it wants to take you in its own divine timing. There is no hurry "its the journey and not the destination" said some wise guy ;)
Hope you enjoyed my first write up. Do share your thoughts and comments and let me know if you liked it.